Okay kiddies, it is time for a real discussion, parental advisory is required. We are talking about "dining" and how many of us are enjoying the full meal...
When I say the word dine I hope you understand, well if you do not know, let me further explain. If sex is the “whole meal” then when you dine you are probably performing a certain act… one in which you are, let’s says appetizing on another. I began to think about “appetizing” and how at a certain age, I am sure it is expected. I wondered about how many people do and do not appetize. I also wondered that in a relationship, if not-appetizing is a deal breaker.
I am just assuming that with any man, appetizing is a part of the whole dining experience, and if you decided not to appetize, well you would not be in the picture, or at the restaurant for a very long time.
I wondered about women in this situation, and how many are not on the receiving end? I wondered if they were not on the receiving in, were they giving? Or was no one appetizing at all… if not, there are two hungry people in the room lol.
Eating… the real thing… is a very sensual experience. The smells, taste, feel of the food in your mouth. Think about consuming a slice of cake. You smell the sweetness, it makes your mouth water, you want to taste the cake, but it should not be too dry, or too moist. You want the right texture for cake, a nice spongy quality, with a sweet taste that is not overpowering. Dining is a whole experience, not just an act. The same goes with sex you should be a connoisser, if you are going to "dine" make sure to enjoy and take part in the whole experience. You cannot taste without smell. Is an apple an apple without the complete texture, crunch and feel on your tongue?
It all takes me back to the first time. Do you remember? How many clothes were you wearing? How long did it last? I wonder about how 16 year-olds have sex. Is it a full experience? Or is it wham, bam thank you mam. The older you get, the more clothes you take off. I guess when you are 16 and you have the nerve do the deed, you need to keep your clothes on just in case you need to make a quick run for it. By the way, in my day, no kid appetized, they just did it. But as you get older, people try more and more stuff, and I have to tell you, I am happy I am not longer 16.
I was speaking to a certain gentleman, who I will refuse to mention. He is in his 20’s and he has never, not once appetized anyone. I just want to know, how much have you really experienced if you have never taken it to that point? There are different levels (or well to not make it so you all think I am crazy) we have different personalities for each area of our lives. People are like chameleons, we act a certain way when we are visiting our significant other’s parents. When we go to work we wear a certain hat, and when we are hanging with our friends we act a certain way. It brings me to the hat we wear when we are with that other person, if it is a loved one, or a random person. We enter something I like to call “sex world”. Sex world does not know proper language, it does not get mad when you pull its hair, there is nothing wrong with you yelling and screaming and doing all that stuff that would make you crazy in regular world. Every one, when in the act needs to visit this other world, vacation there every now and then… I promise you won’t be disappointed. But clear warning you may be embarrassed the next morning…
6/9/07
Give me a minute
I am working on something really great, and really inappropriate, well it's about some naughty stuff... just wait, it's-a-comin, it's about uuummmm dining out... lol... if you get that, then wait one more day...
6/6/07
Man vs Beast...
I was strolling through Central Park the other day with my roomie when I noticed a red robin, it was puffing its big red chest out, making a scene. My roommate mentioned something about it, and referred to it as a he.
"How do you know it is a he?" I ask (don't judge me, I forgot about this fact somewhere between elementary school and college)
"The man is the one with the red chest, he is the one looking for a mate, that is what real men should be doing." she said.
I began to think about nature, how the man is the first one noticed, the male lion for example, has the big mane and he roars the loudest. The female lion, or lioness (see I do know something about nature) looks plane, and when ticked off she hisses, but not to be confused she can kick ass, hell she is the one who hunts for food.
The peacock has the beautiful feathers, he parades around showing them off (the female is called peahen, lol peaCOCK)
The red robin male is the one with the huge red rack
The seahorse male gives birth
The Rooster has the looks, he wakes us up in the morning, has the red thing on his neck, and looks way better then the stupid chicken.
Where did the roles get reversed? I am not sure about any other country but in America it is definitely the women who are doing the mating dance (one word, strip club). We show off our racks, parade around in outfits like we have feathers, and the lions mane? Well remember Beyonce in destiny's child?...enough said. We think our hair is our personality. Think wigs and extensions.
It has not always been like this. The first wigs invented were meant for men, back in the day that is all the high courts wore. The first heels were around the same time... men wore them to look taller. The hat was worn to add length.. and to show masculinity, the size of the hat... the size of the penis... some things never change.
There was once a time when men courted women. Romeo and Juliet, he went out of his way to read her poetry from her balcony, yeah I know fiction, but the story had some truth. It is true the men and women try to look good for one another, but I think we as women should take a step back and let the men do their mating dance for us. Yeah I know you are thinking...
"but CanDace, you are the one looking for "true love" flirting with guys and so forth."
Do not remind me, I know, I will make sure I look my best at all time, but I am going to let the man dance.
But until then, lets think of this scenario...
In the perfect world every man would be walking around in their best get-up, blond wigs, Manolo Blahnicks (designed for men of course, 4" and not comfortable) and they would all be talking loudly and dancing in the streets. They would then walk up to a woman, we would be dressed in all black, completely modest, and do their best dance, Justin Timberlack would definitely have all the women. We would ignore them, they would keep dancing until some poor sap decided to take them home, and then after we used them up, we would eat them like the praying mantis.
"How do you know it is a he?" I ask (don't judge me, I forgot about this fact somewhere between elementary school and college)
"The man is the one with the red chest, he is the one looking for a mate, that is what real men should be doing." she said.
I began to think about nature, how the man is the first one noticed, the male lion for example, has the big mane and he roars the loudest. The female lion, or lioness (see I do know something about nature) looks plane, and when ticked off she hisses, but not to be confused she can kick ass, hell she is the one who hunts for food.
The peacock has the beautiful feathers, he parades around showing them off (the female is called peahen, lol peaCOCK)
The red robin male is the one with the huge red rack
The seahorse male gives birth
The Rooster has the looks, he wakes us up in the morning, has the red thing on his neck, and looks way better then the stupid chicken.
Where did the roles get reversed? I am not sure about any other country but in America it is definitely the women who are doing the mating dance (one word, strip club). We show off our racks, parade around in outfits like we have feathers, and the lions mane? Well remember Beyonce in destiny's child?...enough said. We think our hair is our personality. Think wigs and extensions.
It has not always been like this. The first wigs invented were meant for men, back in the day that is all the high courts wore. The first heels were around the same time... men wore them to look taller. The hat was worn to add length.. and to show masculinity, the size of the hat... the size of the penis... some things never change.
There was once a time when men courted women. Romeo and Juliet, he went out of his way to read her poetry from her balcony, yeah I know fiction, but the story had some truth. It is true the men and women try to look good for one another, but I think we as women should take a step back and let the men do their mating dance for us. Yeah I know you are thinking...
"but CanDace, you are the one looking for "true love" flirting with guys and so forth."
Do not remind me, I know, I will make sure I look my best at all time, but I am going to let the man dance.
But until then, lets think of this scenario...
In the perfect world every man would be walking around in their best get-up, blond wigs, Manolo Blahnicks (designed for men of course, 4" and not comfortable) and they would all be talking loudly and dancing in the streets. They would then walk up to a woman, we would be dressed in all black, completely modest, and do their best dance, Justin Timberlack would definitely have all the women. We would ignore them, they would keep dancing until some poor sap decided to take them home, and then after we used them up, we would eat them like the praying mantis.
Where have all the tall boys gone? (sing to the tune where have all the cowboys gone)
Walking around the city, I noticed something tragic, the percentage of tall men is at a low, maybe 25% of men in this city are above 5'10. Research has shown that in the U.S only 14.5% of men are over 6ft or over, and only 3.9% of men are over 6'2" tall. So where have all the tall men gone? Did men shrink or did women grow? No other place harbors more tall women then New York, I mean almost every other woman here is a model. Think about this, in Chicago I towered over all of my female friends, and I new a lot of tall women... even in Detroit I could find a tall man. But in New York, I am a tiny person. For God sakes, I am the second shortest roommate in my apartment. The shortest is 5'7, the tallest 5'11 the other 5'10. What the hell happen, and we cannot blame the hormones in the chicken, unless it makes men shrink and women grow...maybe it reacts different for testosterone then progesterone. Well progesterone does have something to do with women shrinking after menopause (I think or maybe I am making this whole thing up) moral of the story, tall men come back. maybe we should have some kind of emergency immigration where all the Dutch men move to America (they average 6'1) and have babies with all the women here to boost the height of the men. I personally volunteer to have sex with the Dutch guy, hey I am patriotic I'll Do anything for our country, or should I say anyone lol. Moral of the story, men need to start wearing stiletto's, Jordan should come out with a pair.
Something to live by...
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
6/5/07
I dare you...
I have had a good day, what is it about women and their hair. The emotional connection is outstanding. When we go through a tragedy we want to change it, color it blond, chop it all off and start over. It reminds me of Samson in the bible, he got his strength from his hair, when it was cut off he lost it. When i first decided to move to New York, one of my very first step was a brand new hair cut. I chopped it all off, I needed a new begining a clean slate. Today, I was able to revisit that state, I recieved a newer fresher look at the Arrojo Salon. For those of you who do not know, the most amazing show EVER "What not to wears'" hair stlyist Nick Arrojo owns a salon in New York, and his stylist made me feel new again. It is amazing how a hair do can give you much more confidence, I feel new again, just like I did when I first decided to move. Before I made it to the hairsalon I was already feeling an inch of that confidence so much so, that when I saw a cute guy in my neighborhood pizza shop, and we kept making eye contact, I went up to him and wrote him a note with my email address.
"you r cute, email me," it said.
I then realized that though he was cute, that I really did not care if he emails me or not, I am so proud of the fact that I even had the nerve to write to note in the first place. I am lovin the new me!
After spending the day out, I then decided I was bored and I looked to see what array of men CL (Craigs List) had to offer today. I came across a posting from a guy who is from Detroit, as fate would have it, after sending a brief email he called. It is a small world after all, and you never know who you can find in this vast city. After talking to Mr. East we noticed we had a lot in common, he was from Pakistan, had spent time in Egypt. We had a nice conversation, but he seemed a lil too flirtatious, and anxious about meeting me. I know I love a good chick flick like any other but I do not believe I truly still believe in fate and falling in love and all that stuff, so I kept brushing him off, it will be intersting to see where this leads...So while on the phone, he was trying to describe a Pakistany song to me, and he was trying to get me to understand that the words can not be fully described in the english language. So to tell me about a song, he decided to sing it to me. No... seriously the boy is on the other end of my phone singing, and I am just like... is this a joke? Are you serious? To add to his embarrasment, he is using his sexy late night phone call voice. You know the one I mean, the one that is higher and softer then usual. I was just like give me a break. But you all know I am supposed to be open and ready to recieve so like I said it will be very intersting to see where this goes...
"you r cute, email me," it said.
I then realized that though he was cute, that I really did not care if he emails me or not, I am so proud of the fact that I even had the nerve to write to note in the first place. I am lovin the new me!
After spending the day out, I then decided I was bored and I looked to see what array of men CL (Craigs List) had to offer today. I came across a posting from a guy who is from Detroit, as fate would have it, after sending a brief email he called. It is a small world after all, and you never know who you can find in this vast city. After talking to Mr. East we noticed we had a lot in common, he was from Pakistan, had spent time in Egypt. We had a nice conversation, but he seemed a lil too flirtatious, and anxious about meeting me. I know I love a good chick flick like any other but I do not believe I truly still believe in fate and falling in love and all that stuff, so I kept brushing him off, it will be intersting to see where this leads...So while on the phone, he was trying to describe a Pakistany song to me, and he was trying to get me to understand that the words can not be fully described in the english language. So to tell me about a song, he decided to sing it to me. No... seriously the boy is on the other end of my phone singing, and I am just like... is this a joke? Are you serious? To add to his embarrasment, he is using his sexy late night phone call voice. You know the one I mean, the one that is higher and softer then usual. I was just like give me a break. But you all know I am supposed to be open and ready to recieve so like I said it will be very intersting to see where this goes...
6/3/07
Le Sex Museum
On a rainy Sunday, I had a lot of options, stay in the house and watch movies, go to the movies or visit the New York SEX Museum... You do not even have to wonder about what I chose. I set out on my trek to 28Th and 5Th ave, to the best museum on earth. My first mission is what do you wear on such and occasion? You must dress nice enough so that others believe you are not a dirty perv, but not nice enough that someone would think she dressed up to come here?
While waiting on the A train going downtown, I felt like a child with a big secret, while on the subway every one has a journey of sorts, no one knew where I was going, I felt dirty and excited at the same time. Sitting on an uncomfortable bench waiting for my train, someone decided to break the bench rules by sitting right next to me instead of skipping a seat like you should.
"the A train is running today right" Someone says
"yeah" I say
"(He keeps talking)"
"I nod politely"
I then remember what my books are saying I need to open myself up to meet people. So that is how I met my neighbor. Someone whom I probably have walked past at least ten times and never not once noticed. We began to talk and by the end of my train ride neighbor gave me his card. I have met someone new without even trying.
I head into the museum of sex while neighbor (completely ignorant of my journey) keeps on his marry way.
I enter a building with the word KINKY in bright pink on the outside. How do you make a sex museum not seem dirty and nasty? You make it in bright colors, and light hearted. You walk into a gift shop of sorts. But where in a normal museum the Van go would be on wall, several dildo's and vibrators take its place. Welcome to the museum of sex, you must be 18!
Entering a sex museum the walls are filled with words such as Bondage, Sex, Pleasure, Fantasy and of course Fetishes. The first floor summed into a word, Fetish. Dressing like a horse with a tail/ butt plug. Dressing like a baby and pissing in your diaper, being peed on, spanked, gaged, ridden, and of course dressing up in a furry costume and doing the dirty deed. I was sure this museum would either be filled with giggling teenagers or dirty old men, but I was wrong. Every age group and race was there. People came to get out of the rain, people in relationships, people with friends, some of us all by ourselves, we were all there.
To best describe the second floor just imagine a room full of porn. They took it back to porn when it was first around (around 1920's) to freaky cartoons. Groups of us watched a man give a woman ... we were all quite, head tilted to the side, giggling under our breath. For a room full of sex, everyone pretended to not think about sex. Every one did there best to stand at least three feet away from everyone else, we all wanted to look like we were looking not enjoying what we saw. The funniest thing that happened, were involving a group of twenty something males. They are all huddled over a movie where someone is pleasuring someone else (straight up porn) and all of a sudden in the background you here "all men should learn to pleasure there partners, all women can orgasm this is how..." Like a bell ringing during recess at an elementary school all the men charged in the direction of the video and for about 4 minutes all of them took in whatever the lady was saying... And we thought all men were selfish...not that group.
I have probably seen every porn from the first black woman, to the first Hispanic. I have seen a night in Paris and Colin Farrel going down on a chick. I have seen two men doin it in a jungle and burlesque shows. I saw dildo's hooked up to power tools and a blow up doll called one armed annie. After visiting the museum you do not fill dirty, you feel like sex is special and it just makes you want to have that special something with that special someone. You also want to get down and dirty. The museum stands for people becoming comfortable with one another to explore all boundaries, and push some boundaries down... you can only truly do that with someone you have great care for... don't we all want that?
While waiting on the A train going downtown, I felt like a child with a big secret, while on the subway every one has a journey of sorts, no one knew where I was going, I felt dirty and excited at the same time. Sitting on an uncomfortable bench waiting for my train, someone decided to break the bench rules by sitting right next to me instead of skipping a seat like you should.
"the A train is running today right" Someone says
"yeah" I say
"(He keeps talking)"
"I nod politely"
I then remember what my books are saying I need to open myself up to meet people. So that is how I met my neighbor. Someone whom I probably have walked past at least ten times and never not once noticed. We began to talk and by the end of my train ride neighbor gave me his card. I have met someone new without even trying.
I head into the museum of sex while neighbor (completely ignorant of my journey) keeps on his marry way.
I enter a building with the word KINKY in bright pink on the outside. How do you make a sex museum not seem dirty and nasty? You make it in bright colors, and light hearted. You walk into a gift shop of sorts. But where in a normal museum the Van go would be on wall, several dildo's and vibrators take its place. Welcome to the museum of sex, you must be 18!
Entering a sex museum the walls are filled with words such as Bondage, Sex, Pleasure, Fantasy and of course Fetishes. The first floor summed into a word, Fetish. Dressing like a horse with a tail/ butt plug. Dressing like a baby and pissing in your diaper, being peed on, spanked, gaged, ridden, and of course dressing up in a furry costume and doing the dirty deed. I was sure this museum would either be filled with giggling teenagers or dirty old men, but I was wrong. Every age group and race was there. People came to get out of the rain, people in relationships, people with friends, some of us all by ourselves, we were all there.
To best describe the second floor just imagine a room full of porn. They took it back to porn when it was first around (around 1920's) to freaky cartoons. Groups of us watched a man give a woman ... we were all quite, head tilted to the side, giggling under our breath. For a room full of sex, everyone pretended to not think about sex. Every one did there best to stand at least three feet away from everyone else, we all wanted to look like we were looking not enjoying what we saw. The funniest thing that happened, were involving a group of twenty something males. They are all huddled over a movie where someone is pleasuring someone else (straight up porn) and all of a sudden in the background you here "all men should learn to pleasure there partners, all women can orgasm this is how..." Like a bell ringing during recess at an elementary school all the men charged in the direction of the video and for about 4 minutes all of them took in whatever the lady was saying... And we thought all men were selfish...not that group.
I have probably seen every porn from the first black woman, to the first Hispanic. I have seen a night in Paris and Colin Farrel going down on a chick. I have seen two men doin it in a jungle and burlesque shows. I saw dildo's hooked up to power tools and a blow up doll called one armed annie. After visiting the museum you do not fill dirty, you feel like sex is special and it just makes you want to have that special something with that special someone. You also want to get down and dirty. The museum stands for people becoming comfortable with one another to explore all boundaries, and push some boundaries down... you can only truly do that with someone you have great care for... don't we all want that?
Sbarro's pizza... so unNewYork
To be a true New Yorker, or in my case an adopted one, there are rules one must live by...
1. Never ever act like, or even pretend to enjoy Times Square
2. Do not ever be caught dead there on a weekend night, one can only visit Times Square for work during the week around the hours of 8am to 7 pm.
3. Under no circumstance will one ever go to one of the tacky chain restaurants in the area.
4. Pizza in New York is a staple and must be enjoyed with great care... Sbarro's is not pizza (especially not by New York standards) so one should never be caught dead there.
NOt following the rules can lead up to but not limited to the confiscation of your Metro Card.
So after hanging out on my roommates Bday at the lovely Library Roof Top Lounge, one would think that when four drunk girls have a hankering for pizza they would find some hole in the wall and partake in a slice of cheese. Well when four lovely ladies full of Sangria's and wine see a Sbarro's, they secretly go in and wait in line with all of the tourist folk. While in the line of Sbarro's there is at least one thing you can depend on (besides cardboard like pizza) no other person from New York will be there. So in a drunken stuppor (okay maybe tipsy stuppor) I am next to someone I am sure does not have Big Apple in his blood. L.A has his nickname because well, by looking at him... you know where he is from. Let me just say this, for a city that does not sleep and has far too many models and actors... I have not once run into a blond haired, blue-eyed, v-neck and necklace wearing, chuck taylor having guy who I also secretly believe may have highlights. But again, in a Sbarro's in Time Square you never know who you may run into. So, after babbling incoherently about the line or pizza or something, i decide to have him join our table. After more babbling on both our parts, I decide to part with my roommate and friends and hang out with him. What do we do? Go to the W. I know what you are thinking she did the nasty... no you whores, there is a lounge there. Where we both drank a we-have-both-had--enough-to-drink-I-am=tipsy-he-is-slurring-vodka-tonics. After sitting too closely and talking about absolutely nothing, I realized what he was saying. "You are hot, why don't you have a boyfriend?" I began trying to explain...going on and on, about how I just moved here when I realized and that I don't know, I still have no real answer. But L.A has opened my eyes, and my new question in life is...
why don't I?
L.A this is for you, have fun in the sun, drink far too much, go into the middle of compton, take matches, maybe lighter fluid, fill a rag with the lighter fluid, place the rag where the gas goes, use the matches and well you know the rest... say goodbye to the BMW
p.s to all the rest of you, you can only have a conversation like this drunk... in New York
1. Never ever act like, or even pretend to enjoy Times Square
2. Do not ever be caught dead there on a weekend night, one can only visit Times Square for work during the week around the hours of 8am to 7 pm.
3. Under no circumstance will one ever go to one of the tacky chain restaurants in the area.
4. Pizza in New York is a staple and must be enjoyed with great care... Sbarro's is not pizza (especially not by New York standards) so one should never be caught dead there.
NOt following the rules can lead up to but not limited to the confiscation of your Metro Card.
So after hanging out on my roommates Bday at the lovely Library Roof Top Lounge, one would think that when four drunk girls have a hankering for pizza they would find some hole in the wall and partake in a slice of cheese. Well when four lovely ladies full of Sangria's and wine see a Sbarro's, they secretly go in and wait in line with all of the tourist folk. While in the line of Sbarro's there is at least one thing you can depend on (besides cardboard like pizza) no other person from New York will be there. So in a drunken stuppor (okay maybe tipsy stuppor) I am next to someone I am sure does not have Big Apple in his blood. L.A has his nickname because well, by looking at him... you know where he is from. Let me just say this, for a city that does not sleep and has far too many models and actors... I have not once run into a blond haired, blue-eyed, v-neck and necklace wearing, chuck taylor having guy who I also secretly believe may have highlights. But again, in a Sbarro's in Time Square you never know who you may run into. So, after babbling incoherently about the line or pizza or something, i decide to have him join our table. After more babbling on both our parts, I decide to part with my roommate and friends and hang out with him. What do we do? Go to the W. I know what you are thinking she did the nasty... no you whores, there is a lounge there. Where we both drank a we-have-both-had--enough-to-drink-I-am=tipsy-he-is-slurring-vodka-tonics. After sitting too closely and talking about absolutely nothing, I realized what he was saying. "You are hot, why don't you have a boyfriend?" I began trying to explain...going on and on, about how I just moved here when I realized and that I don't know, I still have no real answer. But L.A has opened my eyes, and my new question in life is...
why don't I?
L.A this is for you, have fun in the sun, drink far too much, go into the middle of compton, take matches, maybe lighter fluid, fill a rag with the lighter fluid, place the rag where the gas goes, use the matches and well you know the rest... say goodbye to the BMW
p.s to all the rest of you, you can only have a conversation like this drunk... in New York
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