Detroit has come and gone so many times that my head should spin, instead I have erased all of his information and him out of my life... forreal this time
I have tried to realize why i keep putting myself back into the situation with him, and what brings the draw,
- One thought is closure, I never fully get it and I just had to realize that I never will, instead of looking for an explanation from him on why he is the way he is and why we can't be together, I need to look inside myself to see why in the hell I think we should and explain to MYSELF why we will never be
- Wanting to be there for someone and fix something, I AM NOT a repair woman, I mean it takes a month for me to change a freaking light bulb, I don't know why I pretended to want to fix someone else. somethings are not even able to go to the repair shop, they should just be thrown away
- Why want to be with someone that you have to prove your worthiness too? I am better then him, and I always have been we both know that. So why would I waste my time trying to be there for a person who does not want someone there, or who wants someone there occasionally. I know and understand true feelings and the person I want to be with will know and understand his as well
I am now dating "the Brit" and I love how affectionate he is. What I am learning from him is to sit back and relax, no reason to be obsessive, no reason to do any of that, pushing someone away because I like them happens to me because I like them and I don't want to deal with those emotions, which may sound immature, but is very very honest.
From "the Brit" I have realized how insecure I can feel if my relationship is not defined, I need a conversation or something to say, this is what we are doing, this is where it may lead, I guess I have been in so many situations where I thought we were on our way some where but we ended up right back where we started...no where. I have to learn to go with the flow and follow my instincts, and honestly just be myself.
From the Slav, I have learned if I cannot be attracted to you sober, I should just leave it alone, becoming incredibly annoyed with someone is my curse, and I just act rude.
Also learned that no matter how good a kisser is that does not mean they have a fabulous you know what... I promise you it was not great
I learned from lets call him... "the hippy"
That I dont care how interesting someone is, I should not sleep with them, nor should i date them, not matter how many houses that have in the mountains.
Don't make out with boys with no chin, nor anyone else I am not attracted to
I am meeting a lot of people and this year I think one of the best things I have learned is the kind of guy I am really looking for
Someone
Tall- I know, but I realize I like the feeling of falling into someone
Someone affectionate
I creative job, I like the idea
Someone of course who is funny and sweet
SO we will see what we get, and of course I will do my best to write it here.
