Mr Big???

Okay so my roommate just brought something to my attention... Detroit, is Mr Big, but instead of a wife, uppereast side apartment and Armani suit, Detroit comes with ripped jeans, ripped muscles and a dog he treats like a wife... hey I love the bitch too.

Me and Detroit started talking again, well I started talking to him, he started with I am mad at you don't talk to me, I am like be my friend... in the end we have sex... yeah I missed a few parts, but what went from a heated I hate you argument, ended up with naughty text messages leading to his pad at 12am. When I got there I came across something a lil different then the last rendezvous. Think Aidan 3rd season, then the again in the 5th when he came back revamped... I have no idea what happened, but Detroit got ripped in a matter of weeks, I tell you, if milk does a body good one gallon over here please! In one minute he is telling me to stop texting him, in the second he cannot stop thinking about me, in the third... I start seducing. The magnet is fully charged again... I wonder how long until we repel? Long story short I head over there and see him and am in shock. We get into ritual, talking and hanging out like old pals, like nothing bad happened, like we are fine... It makes me like him more honestly, makes me more drawn to him, his personality, face to face, is great. I am in the same boat I am always in when it comes to him, I just hope he is a long for the ride. What was at one moments lazy conversation while laying out and enjoying a smoke, turned into something much hotter, something steamy. yeah sex... I said it. Just being near him I notice the difference, his arms... his arms is all I can say, there is a difference this time, it must be his strength. During... for a sec he completely grabbed me and I thought I might go mad it was so hot. Not to turn this into porn, in another direction,we are back on and as complicated, crazy confusing, bad for me this is, I am just going to have to take Detroit with all the side affects, cuz until we fall out again, I am in it full swing.

It is sad when you know something is bad for you but you cannot stop... The apple pies from McDonald's, Milk Shakes, Credit Cards and talking too much on your cell phone(it causes cancer or something) and bad men... oh and drugs... funny how things can go hand and hand... on one hand you know someone is not good, but really what makes it so bad? Maybe I am going about it all wrong maybe I should just go with the flow... I swear though if he leaves the country and comes back with some straight-haired wasp I am going to kick ass! (and get the hell out of this)

so...

I guess I am officially going to have to be over Detroit, in my anger last week I erased him from my friends list on my yahoo messenger, i then frantically tried to add him, I think I was denied... any other time, he would have reciprocated, and I would hear those famous words again, but I think this time he has pushed himself away again, I expected it, but I wonder for how long this time. is our cycle due to continue, I must admit, I will desperately miss it. When I signed in this morning, I felt a sharp pain where I guess my cold cold heart is, when I noticed where his name once was was gone. Why do they say the heart is just an organ when it fucking hurts right now? I am pretty sure that I am not about to have a heart attack, so why do I feel pain? I have no idea why I am being so dramatic, it is not in my personality (stop laughing I mean it) over a guy, because I know for a fact another one is down the road. But, Detroit started my whirl-wind New York adventure, and gave me a completely screwed up, distant relationsomething one always needs to keep one grounded I think. So though, I need to be finishing my quest on finding the perfect person, if one exist, I have to stop in my tracks to take time to think about that one imperfect person, who for someone reason held my interest for a while.. Detroit, if you are out there... take care, I hope to get a text message from you at 3 in the morning...

Okay So I am Pathetic

I CJ Solemnly swear that I am pathetic, in every sense of the world. I am baad...bad, bad...

So Detroit and I have called it quits... I think, I am upset with him, but I am not sure why, I do not know what is wrong with him, and I do not know what is wrong with me, maybe we are both nuts... yeah that is it...I miss him, but I have no idea why!

I think I miss his sarcasm, or how he can take any conversation and make it into a dirty joke. Or maybe I miss how he swears he is such an independent person, but he makes sure to contact me everyday at the same time. I think about how I wanted a phone call and he was already Im'ing me everyday, was I asking for too much? Or was I not getting anything at all? Maybe I miss the fact that for some reason I am connected to him, like some kind of magnet, right when I get far away from him, he can draw me back in over and over. Is it unhealthy to feel like that about someone? I know for a fact it is not love but what is it? I wonder what the two of us have, I wonder after our sometimes two hour conversations does he think about me later, I wonder after I leave his place does my smell stay on his pillow, does he notice it. I also wonder if I actually mean something to him, or am I just a waste of space, another thing to bother him in his day to day tasks. I wonder if he will miss our connection, if he will contact me again, I wonder if he will ever understand, if he will ever be consistent, and if he ever really did try. For a moment, I could tell that he was really trying and every day I could see it slip away farther and farther away...