11/26/07
I called off of work for one of the first times in my life, reasons of a broken heart. i wanted to sit at home and cry and eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself. None of the things I wanted happened, i could not cry, and there was no ice cream to be had. I just slept and watched too much TV. I wonder if this is one of the times in life where I am beign tested, I am not stepping up to any challenges, I am obvioulsy failing. I have been reading a lot, but they are just words on a page, I spend most of the time in my head, contemplating, making up false scenarious where too many things go the way I want. I am trying to cheer myself up but it's becoming too hard, all the bad is outweighing the good and I want to just hide under the bed till it all goes away, except i don't even have my bed yet, becuase I am broke. If life is truly like the book the Secret, then I can understand my failures, I am in a bad mood, I walk down the street listening to my music, and still I think I am just distracted not happy. Time is going by so fast, weekends are a blur. I want to stay home and watch movies, but I think I owe it to myself to at least get fresh air, so Sunday I had a very New York day, I grabbed a cup of joe and just walked. I went down Lexington first, then crossed over to Madison, was not in a window shopping mood, so I jusy went and sat at central park, watching old couples hold hands, and young couples laughing and not being alone, like me. Besides my gloomy mood, it was pleasant, the smell of the fall leaves, I could hear the crunching from underneath my feet. It felt good cold, like I could deal with it, I needed a jacket, not a coat and a scarf. I enjoyed the sunshine and living in the city, I would have loved to do that with someone special.
New York State of mind
Do you think when you are depressed that you know you are depressed? I feel like I am going through a gloomy stage, well every one I know is...
Detroit and I have called it quits again, and after a very confusing email that i refuse to mention again, I am left exactly where I started, confused and regretful.
I wonder if a pack of single people are better then one because we are adding up like flies. Jimmy and Nia have officially separated, he moved in with Detroit and Jackie may also be "single" and I think I am excited by having single girlfriends, more people joining the pity party.
I am at a cross road, I feel like I should be putting myself out there, hell any single function that comes around I am willing to try, but on the same hand, I feel distant. Like I am in this bubble, all by myself no one can hear or see me. I feel like there is a shield up, I can't talk about it, I can't completely understand it, but it is there, and it is pressing down on my chest.
I wanted to cry at the end of me and Detroit, and like all times, this is most likely not the end of "us" but it is the end of a chapter of us, maybe I need to keep him separate from my personal life but it is obvious his problems are true and real, you can see, smell and touch them and they are not going away any time soon. I am in that mode where I am alone again, and I mean mentally and physically, rolling up in a ball and crawling in my bed would not be out of the ordinary and I wonder how long I could stay? I wonder if I had no bills, not a single responsibility could I just lay in bed forever? I want to abandon everything and just get away, sleep outside under the stars but then I would still be alone. I wish I had someone to be with, hold hands and make plans for the weekend, but I fear I would still be alone, that person may not be enough right now. I am getting a bit desperate, I can tell this when every available man sparks some interest. I remember a time in my life where I was always wanted, I had the affection of many, and still I felt alone. The only time I did not feel alone was in my relationships, then I felt trapped. Does that mean I have not found the right person for me? Or is it just me? When does it get easier? Because I feel like time is just moving faster and life is getting harder. 2008 is around the corner, and I will be 24, I am not doing great at work, I have a roommate and not enough furniture and I am single,what are my accomplishments for the year? i made more money, so I spent more money, I feel like I am not in control anymore in life, so I am vowing to commit to myself and my life...
I will save...not spend my money
I will make eye contact (and keep it) with one cute guy a week
I will go to singles events and meet new people
I will be great at my job, even if the people are not so great
I will find a hobby, and do it for me, not to meet a guy, not for any other reason except sure joy
I will be the best me I can be!
Sounds corny I know, but it's a start, and screw new years resolutions, I am starting asap, and I will be my new self by new years... what better way to bring in the year.
Detroit and I have called it quits again, and after a very confusing email that i refuse to mention again, I am left exactly where I started, confused and regretful.
I wonder if a pack of single people are better then one because we are adding up like flies. Jimmy and Nia have officially separated, he moved in with Detroit and Jackie may also be "single" and I think I am excited by having single girlfriends, more people joining the pity party.
I am at a cross road, I feel like I should be putting myself out there, hell any single function that comes around I am willing to try, but on the same hand, I feel distant. Like I am in this bubble, all by myself no one can hear or see me. I feel like there is a shield up, I can't talk about it, I can't completely understand it, but it is there, and it is pressing down on my chest.
I wanted to cry at the end of me and Detroit, and like all times, this is most likely not the end of "us" but it is the end of a chapter of us, maybe I need to keep him separate from my personal life but it is obvious his problems are true and real, you can see, smell and touch them and they are not going away any time soon. I am in that mode where I am alone again, and I mean mentally and physically, rolling up in a ball and crawling in my bed would not be out of the ordinary and I wonder how long I could stay? I wonder if I had no bills, not a single responsibility could I just lay in bed forever? I want to abandon everything and just get away, sleep outside under the stars but then I would still be alone. I wish I had someone to be with, hold hands and make plans for the weekend, but I fear I would still be alone, that person may not be enough right now. I am getting a bit desperate, I can tell this when every available man sparks some interest. I remember a time in my life where I was always wanted, I had the affection of many, and still I felt alone. The only time I did not feel alone was in my relationships, then I felt trapped. Does that mean I have not found the right person for me? Or is it just me? When does it get easier? Because I feel like time is just moving faster and life is getting harder. 2008 is around the corner, and I will be 24, I am not doing great at work, I have a roommate and not enough furniture and I am single,what are my accomplishments for the year? i made more money, so I spent more money, I feel like I am not in control anymore in life, so I am vowing to commit to myself and my life...
I will save...not spend my money
I will make eye contact (and keep it) with one cute guy a week
I will go to singles events and meet new people
I will be great at my job, even if the people are not so great
I will find a hobby, and do it for me, not to meet a guy, not for any other reason except sure joy
I will be the best me I can be!
Sounds corny I know, but it's a start, and screw new years resolutions, I am starting asap, and I will be my new self by new years... what better way to bring in the year.
10/24/07
New Yorcago long jersey phili balti hi-o
I am a traveling bee now. I know you have seen the commercial where the people who are talking on their cell phone in the different cities, where this is where I am all the time. I am in every freakin city and I cannot believe it, so that actually puts my dating in a bit of a slump. I am thinking a boyfriend in every city? Is that too, james bondish of me? I am actually holding conversations with cute males (that live no where near me)every where I go. Maybe I have more comfidence knowing that they are out of my reach, or maybe it is that time of year again where people are looking for a warm body to cuddle up with to get ready for the winter, you know like hibernation. Either way it seems like the easiest and most practical thing to do is to have a weekend New York boyfriend (all bf's in New York are for the weekend anyway) and someone in all major cities, or all the cities I am in for more then one day, so currently I am sitting in Philadelphia and will be here for about 3 days, perfect bf days, and if all went well maybe I could stay the weekend. Until that happened, I have a brand new crush on Shai Labouf, who cares how you spell it, that boy is soooo cute. I would like a high school crush again, or some wooing, I need to work on the wooing I want flowers and all that crazy crap that normally would make me gag, so I guess we will see where things go. I have not written for a while, well because I have pretty much stand still with the crazy great job. I have seen Detroit but I am ready to move on, slowly but surely. Things are looking up, but I do not want to get into anything serious I just want to focus on work, but a girl could use a couple of dates and some good make out action if you know what I mean.
9/2/07
Wedding bells...the obnoxious sound is ringing in the neighborhood
The week before last my rootin tootin roomie got back from a two week vacay at a dude ranch. Though her trip was filled with horses, hummingbirds and dogs she returned with a horrendous stack of emails, and within the pile was something every girl dreads true proof that the ex has moved on...
Her ex is getting married, someone she spent 7 years with has found someone new and it did not even take him half the time to consider marrying her. My roommate had to spend 7 years going through all the bullshit and technically getting him inadvertently ready for his new wife-to-be. Hearing this news took me back to my mayday, where my ex gave me the exact same news via phone, with someone he had not even spent 6 months with, when I waisted two and a half years.
In both of these situations, the same scenario occurs, we do not want to be with our exes, they are both in tiny towns with smaller dreams then we ever had. We do not love them anymore, but deep down I believe that we secretly are pissed off that they moved on first, while we are left single in New York.
In relationships, when one person breaks up with another, the person who caused the most strife should be the loser, so in the end, the man (because he is usually the wrong party in the situation) should be single and unhappy, he should take forever to find someone new but in the end, the man seems to always win.
There are women everywhere looking for a man, waay more then men looking for women, so statistically speaking that is why the exes get married first, it's not us, it's pure numbers.
The other day while in Vegas, I decided to browse my Myspace page and what do I find, my ex has found me, and sent me a message, his profile pic... him and his new bride. Though i tried my darnedest, and know I am much better off without, I had to look, see if she was cuter then me, in my opinion she wasn't, and I am ashamed to say it felt good to know I looked better, and I felt in the moment I was better, I had him and I moved on, I have no idea what kind of person he is now, but I know what kind of person he was, and I am happy to move on.
So to all of you women who are ticked off because your ex boyfriend/husband/fiancee decided to finally have the balls and tell you that he moved on or is getting married, remember one thing, just because he found someone first does not mean that you will not find someone, just because he may be happy does not mean that you will not be, and as the saying goes "better him then me"
Her ex is getting married, someone she spent 7 years with has found someone new and it did not even take him half the time to consider marrying her. My roommate had to spend 7 years going through all the bullshit and technically getting him inadvertently ready for his new wife-to-be. Hearing this news took me back to my mayday, where my ex gave me the exact same news via phone, with someone he had not even spent 6 months with, when I waisted two and a half years.
In both of these situations, the same scenario occurs, we do not want to be with our exes, they are both in tiny towns with smaller dreams then we ever had. We do not love them anymore, but deep down I believe that we secretly are pissed off that they moved on first, while we are left single in New York.
In relationships, when one person breaks up with another, the person who caused the most strife should be the loser, so in the end, the man (because he is usually the wrong party in the situation) should be single and unhappy, he should take forever to find someone new but in the end, the man seems to always win.
There are women everywhere looking for a man, waay more then men looking for women, so statistically speaking that is why the exes get married first, it's not us, it's pure numbers.
The other day while in Vegas, I decided to browse my Myspace page and what do I find, my ex has found me, and sent me a message, his profile pic... him and his new bride. Though i tried my darnedest, and know I am much better off without, I had to look, see if she was cuter then me, in my opinion she wasn't, and I am ashamed to say it felt good to know I looked better, and I felt in the moment I was better, I had him and I moved on, I have no idea what kind of person he is now, but I know what kind of person he was, and I am happy to move on.
So to all of you women who are ticked off because your ex boyfriend/husband/fiancee decided to finally have the balls and tell you that he moved on or is getting married, remember one thing, just because he found someone first does not mean that you will not find someone, just because he may be happy does not mean that you will not be, and as the saying goes "better him then me"
8/8/07
Mr Big???
Okay so my roommate just brought something to my attention... Detroit, is Mr Big, but instead of a wife, uppereast side apartment and Armani suit, Detroit comes with ripped jeans, ripped muscles and a dog he treats like a wife... hey I love the bitch too.
Me and Detroit started talking again, well I started talking to him, he started with I am mad at you don't talk to me, I am like be my friend... in the end we have sex... yeah I missed a few parts, but what went from a heated I hate you argument, ended up with naughty text messages leading to his pad at 12am. When I got there I came across something a lil different then the last rendezvous. Think Aidan 3rd season, then the again in the 5th when he came back revamped... I have no idea what happened, but Detroit got ripped in a matter of weeks, I tell you, if milk does a body good one gallon over here please! In one minute he is telling me to stop texting him, in the second he cannot stop thinking about me, in the third... I start seducing. The magnet is fully charged again... I wonder how long until we repel? Long story short I head over there and see him and am in shock. We get into ritual, talking and hanging out like old pals, like nothing bad happened, like we are fine... It makes me like him more honestly, makes me more drawn to him, his personality, face to face, is great. I am in the same boat I am always in when it comes to him, I just hope he is a long for the ride. What was at one moments lazy conversation while laying out and enjoying a smoke, turned into something much hotter, something steamy. yeah sex... I said it. Just being near him I notice the difference, his arms... his arms is all I can say, there is a difference this time, it must be his strength. During... for a sec he completely grabbed me and I thought I might go mad it was so hot. Not to turn this into porn, in another direction,we are back on and as complicated, crazy confusing, bad for me this is, I am just going to have to take Detroit with all the side affects, cuz until we fall out again, I am in it full swing.
It is sad when you know something is bad for you but you cannot stop... The apple pies from McDonald's, Milk Shakes, Credit Cards and talking too much on your cell phone(it causes cancer or something) and bad men... oh and drugs... funny how things can go hand and hand... on one hand you know someone is not good, but really what makes it so bad? Maybe I am going about it all wrong maybe I should just go with the flow... I swear though if he leaves the country and comes back with some straight-haired wasp I am going to kick ass! (and get the hell out of this)
Me and Detroit started talking again, well I started talking to him, he started with I am mad at you don't talk to me, I am like be my friend... in the end we have sex... yeah I missed a few parts, but what went from a heated I hate you argument, ended up with naughty text messages leading to his pad at 12am. When I got there I came across something a lil different then the last rendezvous. Think Aidan 3rd season, then the again in the 5th when he came back revamped... I have no idea what happened, but Detroit got ripped in a matter of weeks, I tell you, if milk does a body good one gallon over here please! In one minute he is telling me to stop texting him, in the second he cannot stop thinking about me, in the third... I start seducing. The magnet is fully charged again... I wonder how long until we repel? Long story short I head over there and see him and am in shock. We get into ritual, talking and hanging out like old pals, like nothing bad happened, like we are fine... It makes me like him more honestly, makes me more drawn to him, his personality, face to face, is great. I am in the same boat I am always in when it comes to him, I just hope he is a long for the ride. What was at one moments lazy conversation while laying out and enjoying a smoke, turned into something much hotter, something steamy. yeah sex... I said it. Just being near him I notice the difference, his arms... his arms is all I can say, there is a difference this time, it must be his strength. During... for a sec he completely grabbed me and I thought I might go mad it was so hot. Not to turn this into porn, in another direction,we are back on and as complicated, crazy confusing, bad for me this is, I am just going to have to take Detroit with all the side affects, cuz until we fall out again, I am in it full swing.
It is sad when you know something is bad for you but you cannot stop... The apple pies from McDonald's, Milk Shakes, Credit Cards and talking too much on your cell phone(it causes cancer or something) and bad men... oh and drugs... funny how things can go hand and hand... on one hand you know someone is not good, but really what makes it so bad? Maybe I am going about it all wrong maybe I should just go with the flow... I swear though if he leaves the country and comes back with some straight-haired wasp I am going to kick ass! (and get the hell out of this)
8/6/07
so...
I guess I am officially going to have to be over Detroit, in my anger last week I erased him from my friends list on my yahoo messenger, i then frantically tried to add him, I think I was denied... any other time, he would have reciprocated, and I would hear those famous words again, but I think this time he has pushed himself away again, I expected it, but I wonder for how long this time. is our cycle due to continue, I must admit, I will desperately miss it. When I signed in this morning, I felt a sharp pain where I guess my cold cold heart is, when I noticed where his name once was was gone. Why do they say the heart is just an organ when it fucking hurts right now? I am pretty sure that I am not about to have a heart attack, so why do I feel pain? I have no idea why I am being so dramatic, it is not in my personality (stop laughing I mean it) over a guy, because I know for a fact another one is down the road. But, Detroit started my whirl-wind New York adventure, and gave me a completely screwed up, distant relationsomething one always needs to keep one grounded I think. So though, I need to be finishing my quest on finding the perfect person, if one exist, I have to stop in my tracks to take time to think about that one imperfect person, who for someone reason held my interest for a while.. Detroit, if you are out there... take care, I hope to get a text message from you at 3 in the morning...
8/5/07
Okay So I am Pathetic
I CJ Solemnly swear that I am pathetic, in every sense of the world. I am baad...bad, bad...
So Detroit and I have called it quits... I think, I am upset with him, but I am not sure why, I do not know what is wrong with him, and I do not know what is wrong with me, maybe we are both nuts... yeah that is it...I miss him, but I have no idea why!
I think I miss his sarcasm, or how he can take any conversation and make it into a dirty joke. Or maybe I miss how he swears he is such an independent person, but he makes sure to contact me everyday at the same time. I think about how I wanted a phone call and he was already Im'ing me everyday, was I asking for too much? Or was I not getting anything at all? Maybe I miss the fact that for some reason I am connected to him, like some kind of magnet, right when I get far away from him, he can draw me back in over and over. Is it unhealthy to feel like that about someone? I know for a fact it is not love but what is it? I wonder what the two of us have, I wonder after our sometimes two hour conversations does he think about me later, I wonder after I leave his place does my smell stay on his pillow, does he notice it. I also wonder if I actually mean something to him, or am I just a waste of space, another thing to bother him in his day to day tasks. I wonder if he will miss our connection, if he will contact me again, I wonder if he will ever understand, if he will ever be consistent, and if he ever really did try. For a moment, I could tell that he was really trying and every day I could see it slip away farther and farther away...
So Detroit and I have called it quits... I think, I am upset with him, but I am not sure why, I do not know what is wrong with him, and I do not know what is wrong with me, maybe we are both nuts... yeah that is it...I miss him, but I have no idea why!
I think I miss his sarcasm, or how he can take any conversation and make it into a dirty joke. Or maybe I miss how he swears he is such an independent person, but he makes sure to contact me everyday at the same time. I think about how I wanted a phone call and he was already Im'ing me everyday, was I asking for too much? Or was I not getting anything at all? Maybe I miss the fact that for some reason I am connected to him, like some kind of magnet, right when I get far away from him, he can draw me back in over and over. Is it unhealthy to feel like that about someone? I know for a fact it is not love but what is it? I wonder what the two of us have, I wonder after our sometimes two hour conversations does he think about me later, I wonder after I leave his place does my smell stay on his pillow, does he notice it. I also wonder if I actually mean something to him, or am I just a waste of space, another thing to bother him in his day to day tasks. I wonder if he will miss our connection, if he will contact me again, I wonder if he will ever understand, if he will ever be consistent, and if he ever really did try. For a moment, I could tell that he was really trying and every day I could see it slip away farther and farther away...
7/16/07
OH Detroit...
Mr. Detroit sent me an email again, l8t night phone calls, this time it was to tellme it was his birthday, again I resisted temptation and DID NOT go over there, I did wish him a Happy Birthday though. In that moment, i realized I am over Mr. Detroit, it had been weeks since we last saw each other and/ or spoke, and I did not even think twice about going over there.
It was also then, the next day that I receieved an instant message from him..."Oh Ms. Johnson" m Is what it said, and though i was rather skeptical, he had me intrigued once again.
Not to blast all of my business on the world wide web, we both did something that I must admit we had never really done, we talked (well im'd) for at least three hours straight three days in a row, none of it was boring, none of it was awkward, and for the first time, me and Detroit, may have actaully made a connection. OF course my first fear was that he would eventually turn back into Mr. Hyde and become closed again, but he was consistent each day, and I thought maybe, just maybe a new him had emerged.
Here is a meer glance into our conversations...(Sensored of course)
When talking about him in relationships:
CJ: Maybe you are just not the relationship kind
D: NO I am, when I find the right person... I am not the marriage kind... yet
CJ: Well why do you think you have not found her....
D: Well once they find out I am crazy they run away
CJ: Maybe they think you loose interest?
D: Maybe they do not try hard enough, they should fight for me lol, I am a lover not a fighter...baby
CJ: Maybe they gt sick of fighting, and want someone to fight back
D: Well what do you want?
CJ: Reliability, trustworthiness... no drama
D: No drama? SOmetimes people have things they argue about
CJ: arguing and drama are two different things, drama is cheating, arguing is different.
D: True
CJ: What do you want?
D: Attention, someone fun, I want to feel good when I am with someone
When he is having a light bulb moment:
D: i noticed that you only live like 10 minutes away
CJ: yeah i know i am 2 stops
D: its great
CJ: yeah it is
D: and you give my dog baths
D what more could a guy ask for
When Talking about the idea of a relationship:
D: well i dont really know you...i wouldnt mind getting to know you...how about that?
CJ sounds good
D: thats the best i got
CJ thats what i wanted to know
Me and Detroit were supposed to hang Saturday and as fate would have it he got hit in the head by a 2by4 and was tooo injured to hang out. I must admit I was pissed, I thought maybe that block of wood knocked the old Detroit back into play and he wsa pushing me away again. After much obssession and acting like a straght up girl, I must admit, my roomie had to snap me back into place a couple of times. I then realized, what is my fear, he got hit in the head, why am i acting like this? So I became the bigger person, I apologized, I was being selfish. That is huge for me.
The next day... I recieved a message saying he was doing better and asking me to a movie. I had an amazing time, and to not go into too much detail, we laughed we talked, joked around and ... tht is all I am going to say, never the less, to stick with my plan, I am going straight home to read the "Manual" and do my best not to fuck it up... Cool Calm Collected. Two things to add, he is making dinner this week, and once to see me over the weekend...
It was also then, the next day that I receieved an instant message from him..."Oh Ms. Johnson" m Is what it said, and though i was rather skeptical, he had me intrigued once again.
Not to blast all of my business on the world wide web, we both did something that I must admit we had never really done, we talked (well im'd) for at least three hours straight three days in a row, none of it was boring, none of it was awkward, and for the first time, me and Detroit, may have actaully made a connection. OF course my first fear was that he would eventually turn back into Mr. Hyde and become closed again, but he was consistent each day, and I thought maybe, just maybe a new him had emerged.
Here is a meer glance into our conversations...(Sensored of course)
When talking about him in relationships:
CJ: Maybe you are just not the relationship kind
D: NO I am, when I find the right person... I am not the marriage kind... yet
CJ: Well why do you think you have not found her....
D: Well once they find out I am crazy they run away
CJ: Maybe they think you loose interest?
D: Maybe they do not try hard enough, they should fight for me lol, I am a lover not a fighter...baby
CJ: Maybe they gt sick of fighting, and want someone to fight back
D: Well what do you want?
CJ: Reliability, trustworthiness... no drama
D: No drama? SOmetimes people have things they argue about
CJ: arguing and drama are two different things, drama is cheating, arguing is different.
D: True
CJ: What do you want?
D: Attention, someone fun, I want to feel good when I am with someone
When he is having a light bulb moment:
D: i noticed that you only live like 10 minutes away
CJ: yeah i know i am 2 stops
D: its great
CJ: yeah it is
D: and you give my dog baths
D what more could a guy ask for
When Talking about the idea of a relationship:
D: well i dont really know you...i wouldnt mind getting to know you...how about that?
CJ sounds good
D: thats the best i got
CJ thats what i wanted to know
Me and Detroit were supposed to hang Saturday and as fate would have it he got hit in the head by a 2by4 and was tooo injured to hang out. I must admit I was pissed, I thought maybe that block of wood knocked the old Detroit back into play and he wsa pushing me away again. After much obssession and acting like a straght up girl, I must admit, my roomie had to snap me back into place a couple of times. I then realized, what is my fear, he got hit in the head, why am i acting like this? So I became the bigger person, I apologized, I was being selfish. That is huge for me.
The next day... I recieved a message saying he was doing better and asking me to a movie. I had an amazing time, and to not go into too much detail, we laughed we talked, joked around and ... tht is all I am going to say, never the less, to stick with my plan, I am going straight home to read the "Manual" and do my best not to fuck it up... Cool Calm Collected. Two things to add, he is making dinner this week, and once to see me over the weekend...
7/8/07
I am still waiting to write, I am so busy, let me just say this, I have three topics... cheating, the "one" and how one person decides the "type" of person that is supposed to be for them. We all haev images in our head of that perfect guy...is it society's image that has been tranformed because of all the bullshit we see in the media? Or is that the person we are supposed to be with but we are too impatient to wait around for him? If a nice person comes along are you supposed to pass that person up because they do not fit your image? Or are we all just mentally fucked!?!
6/16/07
My next blog
My next blog is about relationships and how to know when you are settling or if you consider that special person to be the "one"? I want to know if half the relationships we are getting in are out of convience? Or if they are around at the right time? Or because we find someone one to be so amazing we feel like we need to be with them. I need to know what you think... leave comments...
6/12/07
What we all should know...
Hi, Pretty Lady! THIS IS A TOAST.... 2 US...FOR THE MEN WHO HAVE US,THE LOSERS WHO HAD US, AND THE LUCKY PEOPLE WHO WILL MEET US!!
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own,even if she never wants to or needs to...
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...Something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..A youth she's content to leave behind....
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
- AWOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...One friend who always makes herlaugh... and one who lets her cry...
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal,that will make her guests feel honored...
- A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...A feeling of control over her destiny...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...How to fall in love without losing herself..
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to quit a job, break up with a lover,and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...That she can't change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect..but it's over...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...How to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..whom she can trust, whom she can't,and why she shouldn't take it personally...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...Where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...
- EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...What she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...
6/11/07
Karmic Konnection...
Another round of dating, this one at the top of the poll. That one night on Cl did me good. I went on a first date with a Jersey Boy. Jersey is 29, works in TV and very cute. Ya for me, my pair and spare are building! After hanging out with beer and wings, we played a terrible-yet-fun games of pool and chilled out with decaf coffee at Starbucks. While conversing on several different topics (he was super easy to talk to) he mentioned relationship karma, and how his karma took a negative turn at the end of his last relationship, and his next relationship. His karmic connection came full circle in a very short amount of time. With all of the news going on this week, I am really starting to think about karma, and how it affects each and everyone of us.
How many of us were jumping for joy when Paris Hilton went to jail, not only the first, but also the second time around? Even after hearing that she was literally sobbing, I could not help but feel like she deserved it, and I don't even know her. Could all that table top dancing, miscellaneous drug using and sleeping around land her in karma jail? Or was she just another who broke the law and had to serve time? In all honesty, she looks like shes got it bad right now. A lil secret, I felt a tiny bit sorry for her. Is her karma full circling?
If there is a such thing as karma, then when you get your fair share of pay back, do you know why? I mean, what is the use of Karma if you do not realize that it is happening, then, it is not karma, is it just bad luck? For example, a boy cheats on his girlfriend, makes her feel like shit, hurts her, she will never trust again, he breaks up with her, and then his next girlfriend does the exact same thing. If he sits down and thinks, "oh my God I deserve this, I did the same thing to my ex" then, I can see it as karma. He learned a lesson, he knows how it feels. If on the other hand, he just thinks the new girl is a bitch, and moves on has he been hit by karma? Has he learned his lesson? If not then is it still karma? Does karma go hand in hand with lesson learning or is it just an experience?
I for one believe that when "karma" itself is occurring, it comes in a cute package of payback, with a side of guilt and a hint of realization. My main theory is that the longer it takes for the karma to come around, the worse the person is. Genuinely good people probably get the round of karma and realize it quickly, evil people well, they are still waiting or are going to get a big burst of bad karma, maybe, they really will be dung beetles in the end. Or maybe, since I brought up good and evil, Hell is the real bad karma.
Now... to my dating life, lets line up all the men I have mentioned, and some I have not, because these next two weeks I am going to be picking my pair and spare. Though over time I may be dropping and adding. ..
Jersey Boy- 6'1, athletic as hell, All-American, blue eyes, dirty blond hair. Loves to mountain bike, works in TV ( i love TV hello!) rents a house in Jersey, nice.
Volley Boy- You have never heard of him, plays on a volleyball team in the summer, a teacher, very cool personality, met on cl, keeps in touch on the weekend, bouncer at clubs on the weekend, 35, 5'10 athletic, may be too old.
Detroit- out of the picture, asshole, asshole, asshole emotionally unavailable, hope he gets electrocuted lol.
Pakistani Boy- cool, most likely to never date, too emotional, very nice consistent. 5'8, athletic, a little heavier, funny, speaks several languages.
Asian American - I don't think I have ever mentioned him, very smart, Asian, 5'8 thin, have not officially gone out, we will meet up this week.
Neighbor- very nice, questionably gay, we are hanging out this week, will keep you updated on him...
These are what I have to pick from, I must pick three, this is harder then I thought. I am also heading to a speed dating event (thanks to my roommate) in a couple of weeks, so, some people may change. I have been keeping up with the rules, seriously I am not calling anyone, I have been staying focused, more boys make it a hell of a lot easier to not obsess over one.
How many of us were jumping for joy when Paris Hilton went to jail, not only the first, but also the second time around? Even after hearing that she was literally sobbing, I could not help but feel like she deserved it, and I don't even know her. Could all that table top dancing, miscellaneous drug using and sleeping around land her in karma jail? Or was she just another who broke the law and had to serve time? In all honesty, she looks like shes got it bad right now. A lil secret, I felt a tiny bit sorry for her. Is her karma full circling?
If there is a such thing as karma, then when you get your fair share of pay back, do you know why? I mean, what is the use of Karma if you do not realize that it is happening, then, it is not karma, is it just bad luck? For example, a boy cheats on his girlfriend, makes her feel like shit, hurts her, she will never trust again, he breaks up with her, and then his next girlfriend does the exact same thing. If he sits down and thinks, "oh my God I deserve this, I did the same thing to my ex" then, I can see it as karma. He learned a lesson, he knows how it feels. If on the other hand, he just thinks the new girl is a bitch, and moves on has he been hit by karma? Has he learned his lesson? If not then is it still karma? Does karma go hand in hand with lesson learning or is it just an experience?
I for one believe that when "karma" itself is occurring, it comes in a cute package of payback, with a side of guilt and a hint of realization. My main theory is that the longer it takes for the karma to come around, the worse the person is. Genuinely good people probably get the round of karma and realize it quickly, evil people well, they are still waiting or are going to get a big burst of bad karma, maybe, they really will be dung beetles in the end. Or maybe, since I brought up good and evil, Hell is the real bad karma.
Now... to my dating life, lets line up all the men I have mentioned, and some I have not, because these next two weeks I am going to be picking my pair and spare. Though over time I may be dropping and adding. ..
Jersey Boy- 6'1, athletic as hell, All-American, blue eyes, dirty blond hair. Loves to mountain bike, works in TV ( i love TV hello!) rents a house in Jersey, nice.
Volley Boy- You have never heard of him, plays on a volleyball team in the summer, a teacher, very cool personality, met on cl, keeps in touch on the weekend, bouncer at clubs on the weekend, 35, 5'10 athletic, may be too old.
Detroit- out of the picture, asshole, asshole, asshole emotionally unavailable, hope he gets electrocuted lol.
Pakistani Boy- cool, most likely to never date, too emotional, very nice consistent. 5'8, athletic, a little heavier, funny, speaks several languages.
Asian American - I don't think I have ever mentioned him, very smart, Asian, 5'8 thin, have not officially gone out, we will meet up this week.
Neighbor- very nice, questionably gay, we are hanging out this week, will keep you updated on him...
These are what I have to pick from, I must pick three, this is harder then I thought. I am also heading to a speed dating event (thanks to my roommate) in a couple of weeks, so, some people may change. I have been keeping up with the rules, seriously I am not calling anyone, I have been staying focused, more boys make it a hell of a lot easier to not obsess over one.
6/9/07
Appetize: To dine on another: The act of "doing a selfish deed" to another.
Okay kiddies, it is time for a real discussion, parental advisory is required. We are talking about "dining" and how many of us are enjoying the full meal...
When I say the word dine I hope you understand, well if you do not know, let me further explain. If sex is the “whole meal” then when you dine you are probably performing a certain act… one in which you are, let’s says appetizing on another. I began to think about “appetizing” and how at a certain age, I am sure it is expected. I wondered about how many people do and do not appetize. I also wondered that in a relationship, if not-appetizing is a deal breaker.
I am just assuming that with any man, appetizing is a part of the whole dining experience, and if you decided not to appetize, well you would not be in the picture, or at the restaurant for a very long time.
I wondered about women in this situation, and how many are not on the receiving end? I wondered if they were not on the receiving in, were they giving? Or was no one appetizing at all… if not, there are two hungry people in the room lol.
Eating… the real thing… is a very sensual experience. The smells, taste, feel of the food in your mouth. Think about consuming a slice of cake. You smell the sweetness, it makes your mouth water, you want to taste the cake, but it should not be too dry, or too moist. You want the right texture for cake, a nice spongy quality, with a sweet taste that is not overpowering. Dining is a whole experience, not just an act. The same goes with sex you should be a connoisser, if you are going to "dine" make sure to enjoy and take part in the whole experience. You cannot taste without smell. Is an apple an apple without the complete texture, crunch and feel on your tongue?
It all takes me back to the first time. Do you remember? How many clothes were you wearing? How long did it last? I wonder about how 16 year-olds have sex. Is it a full experience? Or is it wham, bam thank you mam. The older you get, the more clothes you take off. I guess when you are 16 and you have the nerve do the deed, you need to keep your clothes on just in case you need to make a quick run for it. By the way, in my day, no kid appetized, they just did it. But as you get older, people try more and more stuff, and I have to tell you, I am happy I am not longer 16.
I was speaking to a certain gentleman, who I will refuse to mention. He is in his 20’s and he has never, not once appetized anyone. I just want to know, how much have you really experienced if you have never taken it to that point? There are different levels (or well to not make it so you all think I am crazy) we have different personalities for each area of our lives. People are like chameleons, we act a certain way when we are visiting our significant other’s parents. When we go to work we wear a certain hat, and when we are hanging with our friends we act a certain way. It brings me to the hat we wear when we are with that other person, if it is a loved one, or a random person. We enter something I like to call “sex world”. Sex world does not know proper language, it does not get mad when you pull its hair, there is nothing wrong with you yelling and screaming and doing all that stuff that would make you crazy in regular world. Every one, when in the act needs to visit this other world, vacation there every now and then… I promise you won’t be disappointed. But clear warning you may be embarrassed the next morning…
When I say the word dine I hope you understand, well if you do not know, let me further explain. If sex is the “whole meal” then when you dine you are probably performing a certain act… one in which you are, let’s says appetizing on another. I began to think about “appetizing” and how at a certain age, I am sure it is expected. I wondered about how many people do and do not appetize. I also wondered that in a relationship, if not-appetizing is a deal breaker.
I am just assuming that with any man, appetizing is a part of the whole dining experience, and if you decided not to appetize, well you would not be in the picture, or at the restaurant for a very long time.
I wondered about women in this situation, and how many are not on the receiving end? I wondered if they were not on the receiving in, were they giving? Or was no one appetizing at all… if not, there are two hungry people in the room lol.
Eating… the real thing… is a very sensual experience. The smells, taste, feel of the food in your mouth. Think about consuming a slice of cake. You smell the sweetness, it makes your mouth water, you want to taste the cake, but it should not be too dry, or too moist. You want the right texture for cake, a nice spongy quality, with a sweet taste that is not overpowering. Dining is a whole experience, not just an act. The same goes with sex you should be a connoisser, if you are going to "dine" make sure to enjoy and take part in the whole experience. You cannot taste without smell. Is an apple an apple without the complete texture, crunch and feel on your tongue?
It all takes me back to the first time. Do you remember? How many clothes were you wearing? How long did it last? I wonder about how 16 year-olds have sex. Is it a full experience? Or is it wham, bam thank you mam. The older you get, the more clothes you take off. I guess when you are 16 and you have the nerve do the deed, you need to keep your clothes on just in case you need to make a quick run for it. By the way, in my day, no kid appetized, they just did it. But as you get older, people try more and more stuff, and I have to tell you, I am happy I am not longer 16.
I was speaking to a certain gentleman, who I will refuse to mention. He is in his 20’s and he has never, not once appetized anyone. I just want to know, how much have you really experienced if you have never taken it to that point? There are different levels (or well to not make it so you all think I am crazy) we have different personalities for each area of our lives. People are like chameleons, we act a certain way when we are visiting our significant other’s parents. When we go to work we wear a certain hat, and when we are hanging with our friends we act a certain way. It brings me to the hat we wear when we are with that other person, if it is a loved one, or a random person. We enter something I like to call “sex world”. Sex world does not know proper language, it does not get mad when you pull its hair, there is nothing wrong with you yelling and screaming and doing all that stuff that would make you crazy in regular world. Every one, when in the act needs to visit this other world, vacation there every now and then… I promise you won’t be disappointed. But clear warning you may be embarrassed the next morning…
Give me a minute
I am working on something really great, and really inappropriate, well it's about some naughty stuff... just wait, it's-a-comin, it's about uuummmm dining out... lol... if you get that, then wait one more day...
6/6/07
Man vs Beast...
I was strolling through Central Park the other day with my roomie when I noticed a red robin, it was puffing its big red chest out, making a scene. My roommate mentioned something about it, and referred to it as a he.
"How do you know it is a he?" I ask (don't judge me, I forgot about this fact somewhere between elementary school and college)
"The man is the one with the red chest, he is the one looking for a mate, that is what real men should be doing." she said.
I began to think about nature, how the man is the first one noticed, the male lion for example, has the big mane and he roars the loudest. The female lion, or lioness (see I do know something about nature) looks plane, and when ticked off she hisses, but not to be confused she can kick ass, hell she is the one who hunts for food.
The peacock has the beautiful feathers, he parades around showing them off (the female is called peahen, lol peaCOCK)
The red robin male is the one with the huge red rack
The seahorse male gives birth
The Rooster has the looks, he wakes us up in the morning, has the red thing on his neck, and looks way better then the stupid chicken.
Where did the roles get reversed? I am not sure about any other country but in America it is definitely the women who are doing the mating dance (one word, strip club). We show off our racks, parade around in outfits like we have feathers, and the lions mane? Well remember Beyonce in destiny's child?...enough said. We think our hair is our personality. Think wigs and extensions.
It has not always been like this. The first wigs invented were meant for men, back in the day that is all the high courts wore. The first heels were around the same time... men wore them to look taller. The hat was worn to add length.. and to show masculinity, the size of the hat... the size of the penis... some things never change.
There was once a time when men courted women. Romeo and Juliet, he went out of his way to read her poetry from her balcony, yeah I know fiction, but the story had some truth. It is true the men and women try to look good for one another, but I think we as women should take a step back and let the men do their mating dance for us. Yeah I know you are thinking...
"but CanDace, you are the one looking for "true love" flirting with guys and so forth."
Do not remind me, I know, I will make sure I look my best at all time, but I am going to let the man dance.
But until then, lets think of this scenario...
In the perfect world every man would be walking around in their best get-up, blond wigs, Manolo Blahnicks (designed for men of course, 4" and not comfortable) and they would all be talking loudly and dancing in the streets. They would then walk up to a woman, we would be dressed in all black, completely modest, and do their best dance, Justin Timberlack would definitely have all the women. We would ignore them, they would keep dancing until some poor sap decided to take them home, and then after we used them up, we would eat them like the praying mantis.
"How do you know it is a he?" I ask (don't judge me, I forgot about this fact somewhere between elementary school and college)
"The man is the one with the red chest, he is the one looking for a mate, that is what real men should be doing." she said.
I began to think about nature, how the man is the first one noticed, the male lion for example, has the big mane and he roars the loudest. The female lion, or lioness (see I do know something about nature) looks plane, and when ticked off she hisses, but not to be confused she can kick ass, hell she is the one who hunts for food.
The peacock has the beautiful feathers, he parades around showing them off (the female is called peahen, lol peaCOCK)
The red robin male is the one with the huge red rack
The seahorse male gives birth
The Rooster has the looks, he wakes us up in the morning, has the red thing on his neck, and looks way better then the stupid chicken.
Where did the roles get reversed? I am not sure about any other country but in America it is definitely the women who are doing the mating dance (one word, strip club). We show off our racks, parade around in outfits like we have feathers, and the lions mane? Well remember Beyonce in destiny's child?...enough said. We think our hair is our personality. Think wigs and extensions.
It has not always been like this. The first wigs invented were meant for men, back in the day that is all the high courts wore. The first heels were around the same time... men wore them to look taller. The hat was worn to add length.. and to show masculinity, the size of the hat... the size of the penis... some things never change.
There was once a time when men courted women. Romeo and Juliet, he went out of his way to read her poetry from her balcony, yeah I know fiction, but the story had some truth. It is true the men and women try to look good for one another, but I think we as women should take a step back and let the men do their mating dance for us. Yeah I know you are thinking...
"but CanDace, you are the one looking for "true love" flirting with guys and so forth."
Do not remind me, I know, I will make sure I look my best at all time, but I am going to let the man dance.
But until then, lets think of this scenario...
In the perfect world every man would be walking around in their best get-up, blond wigs, Manolo Blahnicks (designed for men of course, 4" and not comfortable) and they would all be talking loudly and dancing in the streets. They would then walk up to a woman, we would be dressed in all black, completely modest, and do their best dance, Justin Timberlack would definitely have all the women. We would ignore them, they would keep dancing until some poor sap decided to take them home, and then after we used them up, we would eat them like the praying mantis.
Where have all the tall boys gone? (sing to the tune where have all the cowboys gone)
Walking around the city, I noticed something tragic, the percentage of tall men is at a low, maybe 25% of men in this city are above 5'10. Research has shown that in the U.S only 14.5% of men are over 6ft or over, and only 3.9% of men are over 6'2" tall. So where have all the tall men gone? Did men shrink or did women grow? No other place harbors more tall women then New York, I mean almost every other woman here is a model. Think about this, in Chicago I towered over all of my female friends, and I new a lot of tall women... even in Detroit I could find a tall man. But in New York, I am a tiny person. For God sakes, I am the second shortest roommate in my apartment. The shortest is 5'7, the tallest 5'11 the other 5'10. What the hell happen, and we cannot blame the hormones in the chicken, unless it makes men shrink and women grow...maybe it reacts different for testosterone then progesterone. Well progesterone does have something to do with women shrinking after menopause (I think or maybe I am making this whole thing up) moral of the story, tall men come back. maybe we should have some kind of emergency immigration where all the Dutch men move to America (they average 6'1) and have babies with all the women here to boost the height of the men. I personally volunteer to have sex with the Dutch guy, hey I am patriotic I'll Do anything for our country, or should I say anyone lol. Moral of the story, men need to start wearing stiletto's, Jordan should come out with a pair.
Something to live by...
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk..
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
6/5/07
I dare you...
I have had a good day, what is it about women and their hair. The emotional connection is outstanding. When we go through a tragedy we want to change it, color it blond, chop it all off and start over. It reminds me of Samson in the bible, he got his strength from his hair, when it was cut off he lost it. When i first decided to move to New York, one of my very first step was a brand new hair cut. I chopped it all off, I needed a new begining a clean slate. Today, I was able to revisit that state, I recieved a newer fresher look at the Arrojo Salon. For those of you who do not know, the most amazing show EVER "What not to wears'" hair stlyist Nick Arrojo owns a salon in New York, and his stylist made me feel new again. It is amazing how a hair do can give you much more confidence, I feel new again, just like I did when I first decided to move. Before I made it to the hairsalon I was already feeling an inch of that confidence so much so, that when I saw a cute guy in my neighborhood pizza shop, and we kept making eye contact, I went up to him and wrote him a note with my email address.
"you r cute, email me," it said.
I then realized that though he was cute, that I really did not care if he emails me or not, I am so proud of the fact that I even had the nerve to write to note in the first place. I am lovin the new me!
After spending the day out, I then decided I was bored and I looked to see what array of men CL (Craigs List) had to offer today. I came across a posting from a guy who is from Detroit, as fate would have it, after sending a brief email he called. It is a small world after all, and you never know who you can find in this vast city. After talking to Mr. East we noticed we had a lot in common, he was from Pakistan, had spent time in Egypt. We had a nice conversation, but he seemed a lil too flirtatious, and anxious about meeting me. I know I love a good chick flick like any other but I do not believe I truly still believe in fate and falling in love and all that stuff, so I kept brushing him off, it will be intersting to see where this leads...So while on the phone, he was trying to describe a Pakistany song to me, and he was trying to get me to understand that the words can not be fully described in the english language. So to tell me about a song, he decided to sing it to me. No... seriously the boy is on the other end of my phone singing, and I am just like... is this a joke? Are you serious? To add to his embarrasment, he is using his sexy late night phone call voice. You know the one I mean, the one that is higher and softer then usual. I was just like give me a break. But you all know I am supposed to be open and ready to recieve so like I said it will be very intersting to see where this goes...
"you r cute, email me," it said.
I then realized that though he was cute, that I really did not care if he emails me or not, I am so proud of the fact that I even had the nerve to write to note in the first place. I am lovin the new me!
After spending the day out, I then decided I was bored and I looked to see what array of men CL (Craigs List) had to offer today. I came across a posting from a guy who is from Detroit, as fate would have it, after sending a brief email he called. It is a small world after all, and you never know who you can find in this vast city. After talking to Mr. East we noticed we had a lot in common, he was from Pakistan, had spent time in Egypt. We had a nice conversation, but he seemed a lil too flirtatious, and anxious about meeting me. I know I love a good chick flick like any other but I do not believe I truly still believe in fate and falling in love and all that stuff, so I kept brushing him off, it will be intersting to see where this leads...So while on the phone, he was trying to describe a Pakistany song to me, and he was trying to get me to understand that the words can not be fully described in the english language. So to tell me about a song, he decided to sing it to me. No... seriously the boy is on the other end of my phone singing, and I am just like... is this a joke? Are you serious? To add to his embarrasment, he is using his sexy late night phone call voice. You know the one I mean, the one that is higher and softer then usual. I was just like give me a break. But you all know I am supposed to be open and ready to recieve so like I said it will be very intersting to see where this goes...
6/3/07
Le Sex Museum
On a rainy Sunday, I had a lot of options, stay in the house and watch movies, go to the movies or visit the New York SEX Museum... You do not even have to wonder about what I chose. I set out on my trek to 28Th and 5Th ave, to the best museum on earth. My first mission is what do you wear on such and occasion? You must dress nice enough so that others believe you are not a dirty perv, but not nice enough that someone would think she dressed up to come here?
While waiting on the A train going downtown, I felt like a child with a big secret, while on the subway every one has a journey of sorts, no one knew where I was going, I felt dirty and excited at the same time. Sitting on an uncomfortable bench waiting for my train, someone decided to break the bench rules by sitting right next to me instead of skipping a seat like you should.
"the A train is running today right" Someone says
"yeah" I say
"(He keeps talking)"
"I nod politely"
I then remember what my books are saying I need to open myself up to meet people. So that is how I met my neighbor. Someone whom I probably have walked past at least ten times and never not once noticed. We began to talk and by the end of my train ride neighbor gave me his card. I have met someone new without even trying.
I head into the museum of sex while neighbor (completely ignorant of my journey) keeps on his marry way.
I enter a building with the word KINKY in bright pink on the outside. How do you make a sex museum not seem dirty and nasty? You make it in bright colors, and light hearted. You walk into a gift shop of sorts. But where in a normal museum the Van go would be on wall, several dildo's and vibrators take its place. Welcome to the museum of sex, you must be 18!
Entering a sex museum the walls are filled with words such as Bondage, Sex, Pleasure, Fantasy and of course Fetishes. The first floor summed into a word, Fetish. Dressing like a horse with a tail/ butt plug. Dressing like a baby and pissing in your diaper, being peed on, spanked, gaged, ridden, and of course dressing up in a furry costume and doing the dirty deed. I was sure this museum would either be filled with giggling teenagers or dirty old men, but I was wrong. Every age group and race was there. People came to get out of the rain, people in relationships, people with friends, some of us all by ourselves, we were all there.
To best describe the second floor just imagine a room full of porn. They took it back to porn when it was first around (around 1920's) to freaky cartoons. Groups of us watched a man give a woman ... we were all quite, head tilted to the side, giggling under our breath. For a room full of sex, everyone pretended to not think about sex. Every one did there best to stand at least three feet away from everyone else, we all wanted to look like we were looking not enjoying what we saw. The funniest thing that happened, were involving a group of twenty something males. They are all huddled over a movie where someone is pleasuring someone else (straight up porn) and all of a sudden in the background you here "all men should learn to pleasure there partners, all women can orgasm this is how..." Like a bell ringing during recess at an elementary school all the men charged in the direction of the video and for about 4 minutes all of them took in whatever the lady was saying... And we thought all men were selfish...not that group.
I have probably seen every porn from the first black woman, to the first Hispanic. I have seen a night in Paris and Colin Farrel going down on a chick. I have seen two men doin it in a jungle and burlesque shows. I saw dildo's hooked up to power tools and a blow up doll called one armed annie. After visiting the museum you do not fill dirty, you feel like sex is special and it just makes you want to have that special something with that special someone. You also want to get down and dirty. The museum stands for people becoming comfortable with one another to explore all boundaries, and push some boundaries down... you can only truly do that with someone you have great care for... don't we all want that?
While waiting on the A train going downtown, I felt like a child with a big secret, while on the subway every one has a journey of sorts, no one knew where I was going, I felt dirty and excited at the same time. Sitting on an uncomfortable bench waiting for my train, someone decided to break the bench rules by sitting right next to me instead of skipping a seat like you should.
"the A train is running today right" Someone says
"yeah" I say
"(He keeps talking)"
"I nod politely"
I then remember what my books are saying I need to open myself up to meet people. So that is how I met my neighbor. Someone whom I probably have walked past at least ten times and never not once noticed. We began to talk and by the end of my train ride neighbor gave me his card. I have met someone new without even trying.
I head into the museum of sex while neighbor (completely ignorant of my journey) keeps on his marry way.
I enter a building with the word KINKY in bright pink on the outside. How do you make a sex museum not seem dirty and nasty? You make it in bright colors, and light hearted. You walk into a gift shop of sorts. But where in a normal museum the Van go would be on wall, several dildo's and vibrators take its place. Welcome to the museum of sex, you must be 18!
Entering a sex museum the walls are filled with words such as Bondage, Sex, Pleasure, Fantasy and of course Fetishes. The first floor summed into a word, Fetish. Dressing like a horse with a tail/ butt plug. Dressing like a baby and pissing in your diaper, being peed on, spanked, gaged, ridden, and of course dressing up in a furry costume and doing the dirty deed. I was sure this museum would either be filled with giggling teenagers or dirty old men, but I was wrong. Every age group and race was there. People came to get out of the rain, people in relationships, people with friends, some of us all by ourselves, we were all there.
To best describe the second floor just imagine a room full of porn. They took it back to porn when it was first around (around 1920's) to freaky cartoons. Groups of us watched a man give a woman ... we were all quite, head tilted to the side, giggling under our breath. For a room full of sex, everyone pretended to not think about sex. Every one did there best to stand at least three feet away from everyone else, we all wanted to look like we were looking not enjoying what we saw. The funniest thing that happened, were involving a group of twenty something males. They are all huddled over a movie where someone is pleasuring someone else (straight up porn) and all of a sudden in the background you here "all men should learn to pleasure there partners, all women can orgasm this is how..." Like a bell ringing during recess at an elementary school all the men charged in the direction of the video and for about 4 minutes all of them took in whatever the lady was saying... And we thought all men were selfish...not that group.
I have probably seen every porn from the first black woman, to the first Hispanic. I have seen a night in Paris and Colin Farrel going down on a chick. I have seen two men doin it in a jungle and burlesque shows. I saw dildo's hooked up to power tools and a blow up doll called one armed annie. After visiting the museum you do not fill dirty, you feel like sex is special and it just makes you want to have that special something with that special someone. You also want to get down and dirty. The museum stands for people becoming comfortable with one another to explore all boundaries, and push some boundaries down... you can only truly do that with someone you have great care for... don't we all want that?
Sbarro's pizza... so unNewYork
To be a true New Yorker, or in my case an adopted one, there are rules one must live by...
1. Never ever act like, or even pretend to enjoy Times Square
2. Do not ever be caught dead there on a weekend night, one can only visit Times Square for work during the week around the hours of 8am to 7 pm.
3. Under no circumstance will one ever go to one of the tacky chain restaurants in the area.
4. Pizza in New York is a staple and must be enjoyed with great care... Sbarro's is not pizza (especially not by New York standards) so one should never be caught dead there.
NOt following the rules can lead up to but not limited to the confiscation of your Metro Card.
So after hanging out on my roommates Bday at the lovely Library Roof Top Lounge, one would think that when four drunk girls have a hankering for pizza they would find some hole in the wall and partake in a slice of cheese. Well when four lovely ladies full of Sangria's and wine see a Sbarro's, they secretly go in and wait in line with all of the tourist folk. While in the line of Sbarro's there is at least one thing you can depend on (besides cardboard like pizza) no other person from New York will be there. So in a drunken stuppor (okay maybe tipsy stuppor) I am next to someone I am sure does not have Big Apple in his blood. L.A has his nickname because well, by looking at him... you know where he is from. Let me just say this, for a city that does not sleep and has far too many models and actors... I have not once run into a blond haired, blue-eyed, v-neck and necklace wearing, chuck taylor having guy who I also secretly believe may have highlights. But again, in a Sbarro's in Time Square you never know who you may run into. So, after babbling incoherently about the line or pizza or something, i decide to have him join our table. After more babbling on both our parts, I decide to part with my roommate and friends and hang out with him. What do we do? Go to the W. I know what you are thinking she did the nasty... no you whores, there is a lounge there. Where we both drank a we-have-both-had--enough-to-drink-I-am=tipsy-he-is-slurring-vodka-tonics. After sitting too closely and talking about absolutely nothing, I realized what he was saying. "You are hot, why don't you have a boyfriend?" I began trying to explain...going on and on, about how I just moved here when I realized and that I don't know, I still have no real answer. But L.A has opened my eyes, and my new question in life is...
why don't I?
L.A this is for you, have fun in the sun, drink far too much, go into the middle of compton, take matches, maybe lighter fluid, fill a rag with the lighter fluid, place the rag where the gas goes, use the matches and well you know the rest... say goodbye to the BMW
p.s to all the rest of you, you can only have a conversation like this drunk... in New York
1. Never ever act like, or even pretend to enjoy Times Square
2. Do not ever be caught dead there on a weekend night, one can only visit Times Square for work during the week around the hours of 8am to 7 pm.
3. Under no circumstance will one ever go to one of the tacky chain restaurants in the area.
4. Pizza in New York is a staple and must be enjoyed with great care... Sbarro's is not pizza (especially not by New York standards) so one should never be caught dead there.
NOt following the rules can lead up to but not limited to the confiscation of your Metro Card.
So after hanging out on my roommates Bday at the lovely Library Roof Top Lounge, one would think that when four drunk girls have a hankering for pizza they would find some hole in the wall and partake in a slice of cheese. Well when four lovely ladies full of Sangria's and wine see a Sbarro's, they secretly go in and wait in line with all of the tourist folk. While in the line of Sbarro's there is at least one thing you can depend on (besides cardboard like pizza) no other person from New York will be there. So in a drunken stuppor (okay maybe tipsy stuppor) I am next to someone I am sure does not have Big Apple in his blood. L.A has his nickname because well, by looking at him... you know where he is from. Let me just say this, for a city that does not sleep and has far too many models and actors... I have not once run into a blond haired, blue-eyed, v-neck and necklace wearing, chuck taylor having guy who I also secretly believe may have highlights. But again, in a Sbarro's in Time Square you never know who you may run into. So, after babbling incoherently about the line or pizza or something, i decide to have him join our table. After more babbling on both our parts, I decide to part with my roommate and friends and hang out with him. What do we do? Go to the W. I know what you are thinking she did the nasty... no you whores, there is a lounge there. Where we both drank a we-have-both-had--enough-to-drink-I-am=tipsy-he-is-slurring-vodka-tonics. After sitting too closely and talking about absolutely nothing, I realized what he was saying. "You are hot, why don't you have a boyfriend?" I began trying to explain...going on and on, about how I just moved here when I realized and that I don't know, I still have no real answer. But L.A has opened my eyes, and my new question in life is...
why don't I?
L.A this is for you, have fun in the sun, drink far too much, go into the middle of compton, take matches, maybe lighter fluid, fill a rag with the lighter fluid, place the rag where the gas goes, use the matches and well you know the rest... say goodbye to the BMW
p.s to all the rest of you, you can only have a conversation like this drunk... in New York
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